Marriage 104

So many marriages are ruined today because of unforgiveness. In Matt 6:14-15 Jesus said; “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Failure to forgive your spouse for whatever your spouse did to you including cheating is an avenue to hinder yourself from being progressive in life. Marriage is a union between two individuals who are good at forgiving. If forgiveness doesn’t come easily to you, then perhaps marriage is not the right choice for you. Enjoy your single life in peace.

Marriage is a ministry that involves dealing with all sorts of conflicts and offences, so it’s important to be a permanent secretary in the forgiveness department. You should have a PhD in understanding, an MSC in loving, and a BSC intolerance. In addition, you should be able to relate well with the Ministry of Finance and Economic Development; otherwise, your marriage will run the risk of becoming a poverty-stricken and bitter institution. Let me put it in another way so that you can understand me well, Marriage is a partnership between two individuals who can forgive easily. If you find it difficult to forgive, then perhaps marriage may not be the best choice for you. Instead, it’s better to enjoy your single life in peace.

Marriage requires good conflict-resolution skills and the ability to forgive. It is therefore important to be an expert in the forgiveness department than to hold grudges against your spouse all the time. You should have a deep understanding of your partner, be compassionate, and have a low level of intolerance. Additionally, you should have good communication skills to avoid financial issues. Otherwise, your marriage could become a poverty-stricken and bitter institution.

No man wants to cheat on his wife, but still, some do. Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer to why men cheat on their wives, as each individual’s motivations and circumstances are unique. However, some common reasons that have been cited include a lack of emotional or physical intimacy in the marriage, feelings of boredom or dissatisfaction, seeking validation or excitement outside of the relationship, or simply succumbing to temptation. It is important to note that cheating is a complex issue and can be influenced by a variety of factors, including personal values, communication skills, and individual experiences.

The act of cheating is one of the reasons why so many Men marry more than one wife. Yes, there are several reasons why some men choose to marry more than one wife, including cultural or religious beliefs, desire for a larger family, social status, or economic reasons. In some cultures or religions, polygamy is accepted or even encouraged, and men may choose to marry multiple wives as a way to fulfil religious or cultural obligations. Additionally, some men may choose to marry more than one wife to have more children or heirs, especially in societies where having a large family is valued. Economic factors, such as the need for additional labour or resources, can also play a role in a man’s decision to take multiple wives. Ultimately, the reasons for polygamy can vary widely and are influenced by a combination of cultural, religious, social, and personal factors.

We have examples of Men who married one wife and those who married more than one wife and yet God never condemns their actions or praises those who married just one.
Please note that this is not permission for any Man to venture into polygamy. No, this is to open our understanding and point us in the direction that will be helpful to us; deciding what we want in marriage before venturing into it.

In the Bible we have the likes of Adam, Eli, Samuel, Ahab, Saul, Herod, Ananias, Pontius Pilate, Jeroboam, Nebuchadnezzar and Haman; these are individuals with one wife. Funny enough, they all lost their way and betrayed God, but still, there are several benefits to having one wife in a monogamous marriage, which includes:

1. Emotional intimacy: Having one wife allows for a deep emotional connection and bond to develop over time, fostering trust, understanding, and support in the relationship.
2. Stability: Monogamous marriages tend to be more stable and secure, as both partners are committed to each other and work together to build a life and future together.
3. Shared responsibilities: In a monogamous marriage, both partners share responsibilities and work together as a team to manage household tasks, raise children, and make important decisions.
4. Greater focus on individual relationships: With one wife, there is more time and energy to focus on building and nurturing the relationship, leading to a stronger and more fulfilling partnership.
5. Legal and financial benefits: In many societies, monogamous marriages come with legal and financial benefits, such as tax breaks if you live in developed countries; inheritance rights, and access to spousal benefits.

Having one wife in a monogamous marriage can lead to a deeper emotional connection, greater stability, shared responsibilities, and legal and financial benefits. On the other hand, polygamy is not legal or socially accepted in many cultures, so religion also kicked against it as Apostle Paul said in 1 Tim 3:1-2 “If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work. 2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife…” there are some perceived benefits that some individuals may associate with having more than one wife. These potential benefits include:

1. Larger family: Having multiple wives can result in a larger family with more children, which may be desirable for some individuals who value having a large and diverse family.
2. Division of labour: With multiple wives, household tasks and responsibilities can be divided among the wives, potentially making it easier to manage the household and care for children.
3. Social status: In some cultures, having multiple wives may be seen as a symbol of wealth, power, or social status, as it demonstrates a man’s ability to provide for and support multiple women and their children.
4. Companionship and support: Having multiple wives can provide a man with companionship, emotional support, and intimacy from multiple partners, which may fulfil different emotional needs or desires.
5. Cultural or religious beliefs: In some cultures or religions, polygamy is accepted or even encouraged as a way to fulfil religious or cultural obligations, and having multiple wives may be seen as a way to adhere to these beliefs.

It is important to note that the perceived benefits of polygamy can vary widely depending on cultural, religious, and individual beliefs and that polygamous relationships can also come with challenges and complexities, including issues related to jealousy, competition, and unequal power dynamics. Unfortunately, the people who married more than one wife in the Bible, Abraham 2 Wives, and 1 Sex partner; Jacob 2 Wives, and 2 Sex partners; Moses 2 Wives, David had 17 Wives and 200 Sex partners; Solomon had 700 Wives and 300 Sex partners; Rehoboam had 18 Wives, Abijah had 14 Wives, Elkanah had 2 Wives and Lamech 2 Wives all found favour in the eyes of the Lord.

There is no specific command from the Lord in the Bible regarding the number of times someone should get married. Marriage is considered a sacred and lifelong commitment in many religious traditions, but there are instances where divorce and remarriage are permitted under certain circumstances. Ultimately, the decision to marry and remarry is a personal one that individuals must make based on their own beliefs and circumstances.

In Christianity, divorce is generally discouraged and considered a last resort. However, there are some circumstances in which divorce is permitted according to biblical teachings. The most commonly cited grounds for divorce in Christianity are:

Adultery: If one spouse commits adultery, the innocent party may have biblical grounds for divorce. This is based on Jesus’ teaching in the Gospel of Matthew (Matthew 5:32) where he states that adultery is a valid reason for divorce.

Abandonment: If a non-believing spouse chooses to leave the marriage, the abandoned spouse may have grounds for divorce. This is based on the apostle Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 7:15.

Abuse: In cases of physical, emotional, or psychological abuse, divorce may be considered necessary to protect the safety and well-being of the victim and any children involved.

It is important to note that different Christian denominations may have varying interpretations of these teachings, and individuals should seek guidance from their religious leaders and counsellors when considering divorce. Ultimately, the decision to divorce should be made prayerfully and with careful consideration of all factors involved.

I’ve heard several people saying that divorce is not permitted in Islam, but that is not true. In Islam, divorce is permitted as a last resort if a marriage cannot be salvaged. The process of divorce in Islam is known as “Talaq” and can be initiated by either the husband or the wife. There are different forms of divorce in Islam, including:

Talaq: This is a unilateral divorce initiated by the husband by pronouncing the word “Talaq” three times in the presence of witnesses. The wife may also seek divorce through the process of “Talaq” if specified conditions are met.

Khula: This is a divorce initiated by the wife, where she seeks a divorce from her husband by returning her dowry or giving up some of her rights.

Faskh: This is a divorce granted by a religious judge or authority in cases where the marriage is deemed invalid or there are valid reasons for dissolution, such as abuse or neglect.

Islam encourages reconciliation and mediation before resorting to divorce, and divorce is considered a last resort when all efforts to reconcile have failed. The Quran provides guidelines on the process of divorce and the rights and responsibilities of both parties during and after the divorce. It is important for individuals seeking divorce in Islam to follow the proper procedures and seek guidance from religious authorities.

While divorce is often a difficult and emotionally challenging process, there can be potential benefits for mental health in certain situations. Some potential benefits of divorce for mental health include:

1. Relief from a toxic or abusive relationship: Divorcing from a toxic or abusive partner can provide relief from ongoing emotional and psychological harm, leading to improved mental well-being.
2. Increased autonomy and self-esteem: Divorce can empower individuals to take control of their own lives and make decisions that are in their best interest, leading to increased self-esteem and confidence.
3. Reduced stress and anxiety: Ending a troubled marriage can alleviate the stress and anxiety that may have been present in the relationship, allowing individuals to experience greater peace of mind and emotional stability.
4. Opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery: Divorce can be a time of self-reflection and personal growth, allowing individuals to explore their own needs, desires, and goals outside of the confines of a troubled marriage.
5. Improved relationships with children: In some cases, divorce can lead to healthier and more positive relationships with children, as parents may be better able to focus on their well-being and provide a more stable and supportive environment.

It Is important to note that the benefits of divorce for mental health can vary depending on individual circumstances, and the process of divorce itself can be emotionally challenging. Seeking support from mental health professionals, counsellors, and support groups can help navigate the emotional complexities of divorce and promote overall well-being.

One major question we need to ask ourselves is, what happens to us if we remain in a bad marriage? A bad marriage can have a significant impact on mental health and well-being, potentially leading to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Some ways in which a bad marriage can contribute to mental health problems include:

1. Constant stress and conflict: Living in a marriage characterized by ongoing conflict, tension, and stress can take a toll on mental health, leading to feelings of anxiety, helplessness, and emotional distress.
2. Emotional abuse: Emotional abuse, such as verbal attacks, manipulation, and control, can have a profound impact on mental health, causing feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, and anxiety.
3. Isolation and loneliness: A bad marriage can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, especially if communication and emotional connection are lacking. This can contribute to feelings of depression and social withdrawal.
4. Lack of support: In a troubled marriage, individuals may feel unsupported and emotionally neglected, which can exacerbate feelings of depression and anxiety.
5. Negative self-image: Constant criticism, belittling, or invalidation from a spouse can erode self-esteem and self-worth, leading to negative self-image and mental health issues.

Individuals in a bad marriage need to prioritize their mental health and seek support from mental health professionals, counsellors, or support groups. Deciding to address and potentially end a toxic or unhealthy marriage can be a difficult but necessary step in promoting mental well-being and overall happiness.

Bad marriage exposes you to dangers beyond imagination. We must protect ourselves in a bad and from a bad spouse pending the time we figure out what to do with ourselves. However, protecting oneself in a bad marriage involves setting boundaries, seeking support, and prioritizing your well-being. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist for emotional support and guidance. Having a support system can provide validation, perspective, and encouragement during difficult times.
2. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your spouse to protect your emotional and physical well-being. This may involve communicating your needs, asserting your rights, and setting limits on behaviour that is harmful or disrespectful.
3. Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote your mental, emotional, and physical health. This may include exercise, relaxation techniques, hobbies, and activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
4. Seek professional help: Consider seeking counselling or therapy to work through relationship issues, process emotions, and develop coping strategies. A mental health professional can provide guidance and support as you navigate challenges in your marriage.
5. Explore your options: If the marriage is consistently harmful or toxic, consider exploring your options for separation or divorce. It is important to prioritize your safety and well-being, and sometimes ending a bad marriage is the best course of action for your mental health.
6. Educate yourself: Learn about healthy relationships, communication skills, and conflict resolution strategies. Building your knowledge and skills can empower you to navigate challenges in your marriage more effectively.

Remember that protecting yourself in a bad marriage may involve difficult decisions and actions, but prioritizing your well-being is essential for your mental health and overall happiness. Trust your instincts, seek support, and take steps to create a safe and healthy environment for yourself.

However, living with a bad spouse and awaiting a divorce can be dangerous; anything can happen during the waiting including death in some situations. May we never be a partaker of this.

Navigating a relationship with a bad spouse while pending divorce can be challenging, but it is important to prioritize your well-being and safety during this time. Here are some tips for managing your relationship with a bad spouse while going through the divorce process:

1. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your spouse to protect yourself emotionally and physically. Communicate your needs and limits, and assert your rights respectfully and assertively.
2. Communicate effectively: Maintain open and honest communication with your spouse, focusing on practical matters related to the divorce process. Keep conversations brief, to the point, and focused on the necessary details.
3. Seek support: Lean on your support system, including friends, family, therapists, or support groups, for emotional support and guidance. Having a strong support network can help you navigate the challenges of dealing with a difficult spouse.
4. Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfilment to help manage stress and maintain your overall health.
5. Stay safe: If you feel unsafe or threatened by your spouse, prioritize your safety and seek help from local authorities or domestic violence resources. Your safety is the top priority, and it is important to take steps to protect yourself from harm.
6. Focus on the future: Keep your focus on the future and the positive changes that lie ahead. Remind yourself that the divorce process is temporary, and you have the opportunity to create a new chapter in your life that is healthier and more fulfilling.

Remember that navigating a relationship with a bad spouse during the divorce process can be emotionally challenging, but prioritizing your well-being, setting boundaries, and seeking support can help you manage the situation effectively. Trust your instincts, take care of yourself, and stay focused on creating a brighter future for yourself.

Sam Adeoye
May 19, 2024