By Samuel Omolola Edema
About a year ago we made the post with the above as the headline… And one of our moderators made a profound comment that reminded us of exactly what is expected of us in our relationship and more in our marriages!
Mr Olusola Akinbode simply summarized the entire article in his commitment to his marriage in this well thought after comment below.
“My desire is to keep “toasting” my wife. Her response to the wooing makes me very happy.
Whenever she says “I am no longer a teenager” I feel sad. I want to remain a teenager if that’s how to relive those “chasing” days….
The truth is that she’s the only lady I consider “chaseable” after over 2 decades of marriage.
I want to take her out often.
I still write her poems containing “sweet nothings”…
Wow, is this not beautiful? Wouldn’t want a marriage with such blessings…? And yes, you can have such relationships and marriages too .. especially if you work at it!!!
Now let’s share the article with you
Many moons ago a Coz and his wife started having serious issues 4 years into the marriage. All attempts at immediate family counsel didn’t really quell the smoldering volcano – until one day she told a few of us she trusted, this: ‘….
When xyz was courting me, I didn’t really reckon with him, but one day as we were walking down the garden, he jumped up and plucked a hibiscus flower and presented me with it. My feelings began to change from that day. He would bring me little things – like sweets, flowers… but now he doesn’t do all those things. It is not the cost but the little things he did mattered to me because it shows I mattered. And since he graduated as a… it has gotten worse.’ Hmmm!
I asked him WHY he stopped and he said: ‘ah? I was courting her then. Why is it necessary now that we are married? And it’s been 4 years now. Why does she need to be courted?’
I now saw where the problem started from – he had changed his ‘scoring’ strategies and was scoring ‘away’ goals!
It was even more painful to her because she had been a motivating anchor for him to go abroad and graduate. Only for him to have. A good job and now he doesn’t care about what ‘thrills’ her.
I told him that a relationship is as new as you make it and what was used to wow is what would sustain the crucial side of emotions! Because the person’s emotional barometer doesn’t change.
Unfortunately, the issue was not resolved – his job was quite a flamboyant one, he was handsome and ‘chaseable’ and his marriage broke down irretrievably 2 years later. His wife was not bad looking also, but when a crack is not sealed, it gets wider.
Couples have different love languages and if you don’t know which one your partner operates in – you are laying a foundation of strife and offense in your relationship – be it dating, or married!
So, if you have issues in your relationship, step back and assess your actions. If you point all the fingers at the other person, then you are walking in denial. It takes TWO to dance the Tango. If you don’t identify all this, even if you ‘move’ on, it will rear its head in another relationship!
DON’T move the goal post of courting! Re-strategise and adjust your scoring position!
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Samuel Omolola Edema
Building Godly Relationships.
Samuel Omolola Edema is a certified relationship educator with over 10 years experience in counseling, and also the founder of ADAM & EVE community on Facebook. Adam and Eve, where we live, love, learn and share our opinions, knowledge and experience on Dating, Relationship and Marriage. Join us with this link: