So many Men will continue to fail in life, most especially in the area of marriage as long as they continue to treat their wives as a Second Class Citizens in Creation.
God did not create a Man before the Woman, no. God created the Man and the Woman at the same time, both of them in one body. But for the sake of companionship and communication, God later separated the Woman from the Man and formed another body not create another Human Being, formed another body and deposited in that body the Woman part of the Man that He had created earlier together with the Man.
The lies In the religious cycles and the inferiority complex of some Men alongside their insecure attitudes are the major reasons why they are doing everything possible to relegate the Women folks to the background and make them voiceless. But what many Men fail to realize is the fact that, the very person they a trying to relegate to the background is the very person they need to climb the Ladder of success and achievements in life.
Let me make this clear to us; any Man who will not listen to his wife and treat her right will never go far in life.
The painful thing is, that most of our religious leaders are not even telling us the truth. I’m yet to see a Man of God who will tell his or her members to listen to their wives. They are always ready to say, wives, listen to your husband. He is your head. Submit yourself to him. He is your lord. Sarah called Abraham my lord. Yes, Sarah called Abraham my lord because Abraham listened to her every time all the time. And there is no time Sarah said anything to Abraham that God questioned what she had said to Abraham or countered it.
But something amazing happened in Genesis 21:12 when Sarah spoke to Abraham and Abraham refused to listen; immediately the Lord appeared and said to Abraham, “Do not let it be displeasing in your sight…Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice”.
Here Is God telling Abraham His friend to listen to Sarah. We’d never heard or read anywhere that God spoke with Sarah or that God and Sarah had any close relationship, but still, God had s’ much honour and respect for the words in her mouth and told Abraham the same Man that had a closer relationship with God to listen to his wife.
Let me make this clear to you; any Man or Woman who advises you not to listen to your wife has already destroyed you without you knowing.
Now, check the scripture and prove me wrong. Even though you will never read in the Bible that Sarah left Abraham unless you pay attention to the records of her death, where it was said that Abraham came to bury his wife Sarah. You don’t come to bury someone who is living in the same house or compound with you.
Sarah left Abraham after the mountain encounter with the Lord where Abraham took Isaac to offer to the Lord.
There was no record of Abraham discussing that with Sarah before taking Isaac with him.
Even though we called it faith, the fact is, that Abraham was willing to sacrifice Isaac because Ishmael was there for him.
If Abraham had told Sarah that God said he should sacrifice Isaac, there is no way Sarah would have agreed to such because she had waited for years to have him and that is the only child she has.
Isaac is closer to Sarah his mother. There is no way he will not tell the mother what had happened on the mountain. Either out of excitement of God providing them with the Ram or out of concern that his father chose to kill him because God said so.
No woman will wait for so many years to have a child and the husband will try to kill the child whether the order is coming from God or not, and the Woman will still stay under the same roof as the Man, it’s not possible.
Anyway, if you don’t know before, now you know. Now, after the mountain encounter that led to Sarah walking away from the marriage, you cannot find anywhere in the Bible of God talking with or to Abraham again. God went muted.
These are the facts you will never hear from your religious leaders.
Now let me say this to you as I draw my conclusions on this. If you as a Man are not treating your wife right and the wife is good to you, she treats you right; doing everything possible to support your dreams, visions and all; and she remains under the same roof with you even though you are treating her badly. There is a bad possibility of you still enjoying some levels of an open heaven over your life; but the moment the Woman says to herself enough is enough and she walks away from you; the heavens over you will automatically close and it doesn’t matter how anointed you are.
The only thing that will make that not happen is if the Woman had not been faithful to you and her presence in your life is more of a hindrance rather than a blessing.
Even if a Lady you both agreed to marry each other says a thing to you, listen to her. Something happened to me so many times back. A Lady I wanted to marry bought me a Wrist Watch for my Birthday, I wanted to wear the Wrist Watch the following Sunday but she said I shouldn’t, I should leave it to the upper Sunday. I heard her but I wasn’t listening. On Sunday, I brought out the Wristwatch to wear, and while I was trying to wear it, it fell and the screen was broken. End of the story. I learnt my lessons.
Friends, learn to listen to that One Lady you call your Wife. She might be the only key you need to unlock your heavens.
TRUE LOVE
When a Man is truly in love with you, he’ll never see anything wrong with you. Even if you offended him and do the unspeakable, he’ll still forgive you and keep rolling with you because he finds pleasure in being with you.
When people claimed to be in love, I asked what’s their understanding of being in love.
Whenever I tell people that my Ex is a good person, but a good person with a bad mother; they look at me as if I don’t know what I’m talking about.
You have no business being in love with someone you cannot defend and protect from outside forces. I did that with my Ex before she fell for her mother’s trap, and that is the exact thing Steve Harvey had done and Will Smith did some time back.
Even if the Wife will not appreciate it, which some of them do, it is your duty as a Man to go all out for the Woman you love.
Real Men love, protect, cherish and provide emotional security for their Women in any given circumstance.
If you cannot protect your Wife, then you’re not a Man.
I read a Post by my friend saying “Na women dey wait for years to heal. Men dey sharply grabs the next available victim. I do not have a point to prove to anyone, at the right time I go be, and it’s gonna be 4eva insha ‘Allah.
Reading that made me laugh, so I responded to that by saying; I hope this is true for all Men. January 16, 2024, will make it exactly Six years and I’m still single. Yes, I’m healed. Yes, I’ve moved on. Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I’m restored and happier now. But picking another Lady for a Wife is not the same as picking clothes on the hangar. For a reasonable and sensible Man, marriage is a matter of the heart and a matter of the heart is the love of your life e.g. your life.
Men who understand what it means to love and stay committed to the love, don’t just move on as if nothing happened. A part of them live with their Wife whether through divorce or death.
Some might never remarry again. Some will simply wait patiently until they find someone they can love much more than the one that left either as a result of divorce or death. While some Men will be all out looking for someone who looks just like the one they loved with their entire being.
Real Men don’t love with words, they love with their hearts and their heads and that is the reason why it’s very hard for anyone to steal their heart because they’ve already attached it to the one they love.
If a Man moves on so quickly after the divorce or death of their Wife, there are chances that he never loved the Wife through and true; or he is just a slave master. One who sees Ladies as a tool and never an asset.
True love is hard to replace, no matter the circumstances. True love is deeper than just words. It’s a heart-to-heart connection. Despite Adeyeye trying to replace Naomi, he still cannot. That’s the power of true love. No one million people can replace it.
This is one reason why I laughed whenever some people used the word “I love you” unguidedly. And when I asked them what is their definition of love, they’ll just be beating around the bush. You don’t get confused or hard to explain what you know. If you cannot define it it is because you do not know it; it’s as simple as that.
I talk with both Single Men and Ladies every week. I know what they are going through. I know their pains and struggles. It is not easy for both genders to try to do everything all by themselves. Some had found themselves in a deep hole that they were finding hard to come out of.
I see lots of Women, channelling their love for their ex-husband towards their children. Well, it’s good to love the children, but the love for a Man and the love for the children are never the same. I’ll recommend a movie titled “The One Who Got Away” to all the Single Mothers to watch. You’ll thank me later. It’s on YouTube.
I know of a Woman who single-handedly raised all her children. Shot herself up on anything called Men. Spent her entire life taking care of her children and today she’s having a serious nervous breakdown. Every act of love even from her children towards her is termed evil and threats against her life. She doesn’t know what love means anymore. May that not be your portion.
In conclusion, let’s join hands together to support each other. Even those that are in a marriage. Frustration and depression have no boundaries. It thrives in the atmosphere of a troubled heart. Trust me on this, so many people are frustrated and depressed both singles and married alike. But we can help one another. We can be a shoulder for someone in pain to lean on. Remember, helping someone is helping yourself. Above all, never take advantage of other people’s situations. Let’s be our brother’s keepers and not our brother’s killers.
SUBMISSION
A few hours ago, I posted on my wall that “husbands are to submit themselves to their wives if they want their wives to submit to them” and I in-scripted Ephesians 5:21 which says; “submitting to one another in the fear of God” and all hell was lost as some Men were all out to defend the Ephesians 5:22 that says “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord”.
This is one of the many lies that had gone far and wide in the church, leaving one part of the scripture and hanging to the that suits our selfish, self-centred and ungodly desires; just for the sake of putting another person under bondage.
So funny, even some women themselves are so quick to quote “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord”; whenever I see anyone doing that, especially the Pastors, I know the person is never one who studies the Bible or even read it. And we have so many Pastors that will spend all day listening to another Pastor teaching. They never sat down one day to research or search out the scriptures themselves.
These are the types of Pastors that mislead people. I’ve had the opportunity to answer so many questions some people asked their Pastors and their Pastors cannot give them any answer. For crying out loud, why are you a Pastor if you cannot answer simple biblical questions your people are asking you?
Anyway, let’s examine the sayings of Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:17-32…therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, let the wives be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
So husbands ought to love their wives as their bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his flesh, but nourished and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh and His bones.
“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
This teaching of Apostle Paul is not about marriage or husbands and wives as the church had turned it to be. Apostle Paul made it clear when he said in Ephesians 5:32 “but I speak concerning Christ and the church”. This means, that the teaching is about Jesus Christ and the church not about marriage or husband and wife.
Let’s agree to the facts that some vital information is embedded in the teaching which can and is useful for the benefits of a successful marriage. This vital information did not start from Ephesians 5:22 which says, “Wives, submit to your Husbands, as to the Lord”; nope. The vital information begins from Ephesians 5:21 which says “submitting to one another in the fear of God”.
This means Husbands should also submit themselves to their Wives just as they expect the Wives to submit themselves to them.
Let me share different Bible versions of Ephesians 5:21 with you.
MSG:
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
NLT:
Further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
GNT:
Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.
HCSB:
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.
ASV:
Subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.
AMP:
Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
NIV:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
NRSV:
Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Submission is an English word, not a spiritual word; and it’s so disappointing that all the people who are teaching submission, either as a Pastor, church member or Christian fellow don’t even know what submission means.
The only they knew was that, it is written in the Bible and everyone called a Wife or that desired to be a Wife must align themselves with it and submit themselves to their husbands.
Well, let me help your understanding to become fruitful.
Submission was said to be “the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or the will or authority of another person”.
Webster’s Dictionary described sub-mission to be “the act of submitting the state of being willing to submit something offered for consideration (law) an agreement in which parties undertake to abide by a decision or obey an authority (law) the act of referring a matter to arbitration.
To submit; it was described as “to cause to un- dergo to offer (oneself) of one’s free will, to submit oneself to an ordeal; to offer for consideration, examination, a decision etc.
Collins Cobuild English Dictionary described Submission as “a state in which people can no longer do what they want to do because they have been brought under the control of someone else.
If there is anything that is breaking homes and marriages faster today, most especially this new Indomie generation marriage that is built on the foundation of Pentecostal liars is this Issue of submission. Most especially with indisciplined, uncultured, unnatural, untamed boys who called themselves Men just because they had some change in their bank account and had Seven inches of fleshly rod in between their legs.
It Is not in your place to put your wife or your husband under your control. It is evil, it is satanic, it is not God and it can never be God.
If you are demanding submission from your spouse, wisdom demands that you submit yourself to the same person you are demanding submission from. Why should I allow myself to be controlled by you, when I don’t have control over you? That means I’m your slave and you’re my master.
Sarah called Abraham lord because Abraham listened to Sarah, they listened to one another and they were always in agreement with each other. But Abraham lost Sarah the day he took Isaac for sacrifice without telling Sarah, and that was the end of their marriage and that was the last time God spoke to or with Abraham. Bros, borrow yourself some brain and stop living your marital life with some of the errors you’re hearing from some ungrounded individuals.
Marriage is sweet and fun when you have the opportunity to be with someone who can listen to you and always be in agreement with you. Not with someone who sees you as an inferior or a slave.
Four kinds of things can be controlled…
The dog
The slave
The maid
The robot
Which of these is the woman you’re trying to control? Even Robots ask questions these days. They don’t just take orders from you anymore. And the Slaves and the Maids are ready to poison your food if you keep treating them badly. Go and watch “Spartacus” and learn. Even dogs revolt these days because God gave everyone minds and brains for a purpose and it is evil to render someone’s brain and mind useless all in the name of wanting to be in control because you’re the Man. No, you’re not a Man, you’re a blind fool.
The day some Men will stop controlling their Wives and learn to reason, discuss and agree with them on anything and everything will be the day some Men will begin to make serious accelerating results beyond human comprehension.
Do you think you’re succeeding? Keep deceiving yourself. Treat that Wife of yours right and make her part of your everyday decisions and you’ll see what will happen to you thereafter.
In Matthew 13:15 Jesus Christ said “For the hearts of this people have grown dull. Their ears are hard of hearing, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn so that I should heal them.’
GET MARRIED
I’d had the opportunity to listen to so many people and hear them out on the issues of marriage and why they are finding it so difficult to find a Man of their dreams or the Lady of their dreams to marry.
Well, I’m going to be as frank as possible in this post, so if you are a religious person, this post is not for you and I will advise you to stop reading now. But if you are a person outside the box, then you can go ahead and read on.
If you are truly interested in getting married, these points I want to make are very important and you should think about them very well; and I mean very well.
FIND OUT IF ITS FOR YOU
You need to find out if marriage is truly meant for you or not. Trust me on this, not everyone will be married and not everyone that are married will remain married. It’s not a question of Fasting, Praying or having Faith, it’s a fact about God and life.
Even though we were told that Joseph the Carpenter died, if you read beyond the bible, I mean you lay hold on other historic biblical materials, you will know that Joseph left Mary he did not die. James and John in the Bible are the two sons Mary had for Joseph, but she loved Jesus more and that was the cause for their separation, and not just that he just couldn’t withstand the fact that she got pregnant without sexual intercourse.
Mary Magdalene was never married. Not even for a day or a week and yet she was the first person to see Jesus Christ after resurrection.
So, whether you are single never married, or single with children as a result of rejection, separation, divorce or death; stop killing yourself over that; think that without marriage your life is incomplete and is a waste of time. Live your life and enjoy yourself to fullness. If someone comes your way all glory to God size the opportunity and be married, and if no one does, don’t stop loving yourself. Remember, no one will love you if you don’t love yourself.
KILL RELIGION
So many people are single today because their spouse is either in another religion or another denomination, but they are here busy praying that God should bring them a husband or a wife and God is showing t’em someone from another faith or denomination, or someone of another faith or denomination is asking for their hand in marriage and they are rejecting the person and binding the Devils.
My dear, this is not the Devil this is God. God did not create any of the religions you have in the world today; they are all creations of Man, not God. God created human beings, not religion, and so long you cannot see God beyond religion you cannot experience God beyond religion or enjoy God beyond religion. Religion places limitations on God’s manifestations in your life.
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph all married from an idol worship family and God still bring about His purpose for their lives. Think about that.
ANOTHER WOMAN
This is one fact they will never tell you in the church. Ruth was never the first wife of Boaz. Boaz was a married Man before he married Ruth and yet, through her, Jesus Christ was born; and according to Matthew 1:5-6 it was said that Boaz begot Obed by Ruth, Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David the King and through David, the King Jesus Christ was born.
Therefore, if you are meant to be a second, third or even tenth wife, you should humble yourself and stop fighting for the first position as a wife or the only wife. As I’d always been saying, knowing your place in destiny and finding purpose in life and fulfilling it is much more important and profitable than quoting scriptures from now till Jesus Christ comes out with any tangible results to show for it.
MAKE THE MOVE
Waiting for a Man to ask you out might be a waste of your time. If you see a Man that you like and you know is not fixed to any Lady either in a relationship, engagement or marriage, feel free to make your intentions known. Boaz did not notice Ruth at first, Ruth noticed him and positioned herself where she could be found; following the wisdom of Naomi her mother-in-law. And immediately Boaz noticed her he knew exactly what she was saying and he too knew the right thing to do.
So my dear, if you see a Man or Lady that you like, position yourself where he or she can find you and if that is not enough, ask the person out. The answer will either be yes or no it doesn’t kill.
KILL TRIBES
Na my tribe I go marry is a waste of your precious time. Ruth was from Moab, Rahab the Harlot was from Jericho and the two of them married Men from Israel, and not just any Men, but Men of whose loins Jesus Christ will come into the world and save mankind from sin. Salmon her husband was said in Matthew 1:5 begot Boaz by Rahab the Harlot…
Sticking to marrying someone from your tribe or nationality is a waste of time. Stay focused on someone who has your interest at heart and is willing to go all the way with you to see you succeed in life.
FOCUS ON POTENTIAL
David was nothing when Michal was bestowed on him as his wife. Salmon was a nobody when Rahab said I do. Both Michal and Rahab are well-to-do before meeting their husbands. The money and the wealth their husbands do not have but they have skills, and they are passionate about what they are doing.
Yes, I know that there are some human users out there; both Male and Female. But as my grandmother used to say, if you close your eyes to prevent yourself from seeing a bad person passing by, you will not know when a good person will walk past you.
If you are financially okay and you find yourself loving a Man or a Lady who is committed to you and focused on his or her career or business but not well financially, please give such a person all the necessary support you can, that person might be your oil well you never can tell.
NO PAST ISSUES
Rahab was a prostitute, Ruth was a widow and yet, they both find love, peace and acceptance in the arms of the Men they gave their hearts to. Stop digging into your wife or husband’s to be past. Leave the past in the past.
I was once engaged to a Lady, and before her, I was a friend with a Lady I was so happy with but since I didn’t want my family to make her pay for the sin of the Lady in my life before her, who happened to come from the same area with her, I let go of the relationship. I left the Lady In June, meanwhile, in May of that year we had a chat where I asked her some personal questions which I left on my phone.
I started another relationship with a Lady in July and in October, she came to my house on a Sunday morning when I was in church, brought out the phone and read the messages on the phone, then went back home before I came back from church. Then she told all her family that I was cheating on her. I don’t know where that was coming from.
Anyway, after she had made a mess of the relationship and was trying to mend things, I asked her how she came across the idea of me cheating on her and she told me that she came to the house one Sunday morning and read all the messages on my phone.
Fine, which one is the phone, she said the Tablet. I went to the room, brought it out and asked her to show me the message. She did and I asked her, when did I start going out with you? And she said July. Then I said, can you please tell me the date underline the Text message and she read May 13.
Then I asked, was that message before I met you or after I met you? Before she said. Did I tell you about the Lady I was considering before your Cousin introduced you to me? Yes, you did she said. And who do you think I’m chatting with in that chat? I don’t know she said. Well, that was the same Lady I left because of you. I stood up and I walked her out of my house. I told her to drop my keys and leave.
Don’t dig into your friend’s or spouse’s past, what you might see might not be that comfortable or palatable. Leave the past in the past and live with the present while working towards the future.
I hope I’ve been able to convince you and not confuse you. It is well with us all.
Sam Adeoye ©️