In my last article, I said, “I’m so certain that the majority of us had read the words of Apostle Paul in Ephesians 6:12 that says; “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” And the majority of us think that the principalities, the powers, the rulers of the darkness of this age and the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places and some demonic forces hanging somewhere in space to destroy mankind; well, these are not forces hanging in the space to destroy humans, rather, these are the human spirits which can also be transformed into forces to destroy a person depends on how we treated the person.
This was what Apostle Peter was saying in 1 Peter 3:7; “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” The same spirit of the person you treated well that is powerful enough to keep you going higher in life is the same spirit that will turn against you and destroy you if you start treating the person badly and the person is upset with you.
I’m sure some of us must have witnessed a situation where someone did something very painful to us and from nowhere, something evil begins to happen to that person. The religious mindsets among us are always too quick to conclude that that person is a witch or is possessed by one evil power, but that is not true. The person is not possessed by any evil power or forces, rather the person’s spirit is fighting against the person who did something unpleasant to the person and until the person does the needful, he will continue to suffer the same.
Sixteen spirits govern the earth and every human being on the earth possesses them and they partially and fully manifest in us all. Let me talk briefly about the partial part of their operations in human beings before I spend time talking about their full functionalities in every human being.
Scientifically, science made us believe that Men have Nine Ribs and Women have Seven Ribs. But in the things of the spirit, these are not Ribs, rather, they are spirits. And they exist in the life of every human being for a purpose. The Nine Spirits in Men signifies strength. In Job 32:8 it was said; “But there is a spirit in man, and the breath of the Almighty gives him understanding.” In 1 Peter 3:7 Apostle Peter said; “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife…” The nine spirit in man is the strength he needs to live with the woman in his life with understanding. The Seven Spirit in the Woman is the number of days in a week, which is Seven Days.
Here is the play-out. If you treat your wife well on Monday and things work out well for you that day and make more money, and you treat her badly on Tuesday to the point that she is mad and miserable, the chances of things not working out well for you on Tuesday is very high. Her Seven Spirit is to work for you in the spiritual realm each spirit for each day; that was why she was called “helper” in Gen 2:18; “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” And in Gen 2:21-22, it was said that; “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.” If your Wife will not help you spiritually with her spirit, it doesn’t matter how well she is helping you physically, you cannot and you will not prosper. It is not a curse, it is a fact.
Religion made us focus so much on the physical attributes of our woman and forget about their spiritual capacities. Jezebel is one woman so many people are quick to condemn in the bible, but check her out so well, she was a woman who stood by her husband both physically and spiritually. She was so strong and protective of her husband to the point that even Elijah with all his anointing ran away because of her. Sir, let me make this clear to you, you have nothing to fear if only you can treat that woman in your life with love, dignity and respect. She’s the only one that can block the enemies from gaining access to your life and finances. But how can she do that when the only thing you know how to do is abuse her and make her feel worthless of herself? You’re the one losing not her.”
Today, I’m building further on the foundation that had been laid and we’re looking in detail into every aspect of marriage and how best to handle some issues.
First of all, let me make it clear that any marriage that is built on the foundation of religion, one that is void of love, affection, understanding and communication is bound to fail. So also, beware of the individuals that tell you great and mighty things about their marriage. The tendency of them to lie to you is very high. But listen attentively to the individuals who are willing and ready to share with you the challenges and the battles they have to face a couple and how they handle them. Even if they lied about how they handled it, the fact that they are still together means they are working on each other; and we are all work in progress.
There are no good marriages, great marriages or bad marriages. Every marriage is built on the characters, attitudes and personalities of the individuals in the marriage. That you have a good character, attitude and personality doesn’t mean that your marriage will work out fine. Your spouse must also have a good character, attitude and personality to make a good marriage. If you have a good character, attitude and personality and your spouse does not, you will never have a good marriage. Your marriage is likely to be one of the worst ones ever. It’s not a curse, it is a fact. If you tried to cover up for it and play the good spouse, the chances of you ending up in depression or developing psych sclerosis (hardening of mind/thoughts) are very high. The danger of developing psych sclerosis is that it kills, especially men. It seals their thinking and costs them growth in self-improvement and the ability to earn.
So many people are indirectly suffering from psych sclerosis without knowing it. Psychsclerosis is a human natural tendency to fall in love with their ideas and vigorously defend them against anything new. Religious mindsets I can say are suffering from psychsclerosis. You cannot all by yourself handle anything in a marriage, even if you don’t need financial support, you sure will need psychological and emotional support. So, stop playing the hero. Humble yourself and ask for help and if you don’t get any, limit your efforts to what you can handle at the time.
However, a good marriage is characterized by mutual respect, trust, communication, support, and love between partners. Both individuals work together to build a strong foundation for their relationship, and they are committed to each other’s happiness and well-being. In a good marriage, conflicts are resolved healthily and constructively, and both partners feel valued and appreciated.
In Eph 4:25-27 Apostle Paul said; “Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbour,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Some people are masters in lying, wrath and unforgiveness. If you have such a person as a spouse, no matter how good you think the person is, these two defaults in character are like Acid. They will destroy anything and everything you ever built to make the marriage work. The word “wrath” means anger, rage, fury, madness meaning you are living under the same roof with a mad person.
Anger:
Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools. Eccl 7:9
Rage:
A king’s rage is like the roar of a lion, but his favour is like dew on the grass. Prov 19:12
Fury:
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Prov 27:4
Madness:
Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. Eccl 1:17
On the other hand, a bad marriage is marked by a lack of communication, trust issues, disrespect, and constant conflict. Partners may feel unhappy, unfulfilled, and disconnected from each other. In a bad marriage, one or both partners may feel neglected, unappreciated, or taken for granted. There may be a lack of effort to work on the relationship, leading to a cycle of negativity and resentment.
The key difference between a good marriage and a bad marriage is the level of mutual respect, communication, and support between partners. In a good marriage, both individuals prioritize the relationship and work together to overcome challenges, while in a bad marriage, there is a lack of effort, understanding, and commitment to making the relationship work.
Husband
Eph 5:25-32 is one scripture the church had adopted to address the role of a Man to his Wife, but in actual sense, Apostle Paul was not talking about Husband and Wife in this verse of the scripture, rather he was talking about Christ and the church. Saying, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church.
As a Man in the house, several qualities and characteristics can make someone a good husband. Some of these include:
- Communication: A good husband can communicate openly and effectively with his partner. He listens attentively, expresses his thoughts and feelings honestly, and works to resolve conflicts constructively.
- Respect: A good husband respects his partner as an equal and values her opinions, feelings, and boundaries. He treats her with kindness, consideration, and empathy.
- Supportive: A good husband is supportive of his partner’s goals, dreams, and aspirations. He encourages her to pursue her passions, provides emotional support during challenging times, and celebrates her successes.
- Trustworthy: A good husband is trustworthy and reliable. He keeps his promises, is honest and transparent in his actions, and can be counted on to be there for his partner when she needs him.
- Affectionate: A good husband shows affection and love towards his partner through physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of kindness. He makes an effort to express his love and appreciation regularly.
- Responsible: A good husband takes responsibility for his actions, contributes to the household and family responsibilities, and makes decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship and family.
- Compromise: A good husband is willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both partners. He can see things from his partner’s perspective and is open to finding common ground in disagreements.
Please, note that a good husband is someone who is committed to the well-being and happiness of his partner, communicates effectively, shows respect and support, and is willing to work together to build a strong and healthy relationship.
Wife
Again in Eph 5:22-24, the Apostle said; “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Just like being a good husband, being a good wife involves several qualities and characteristics that contribute to a healthy and fulfilling marriage. Some of these qualities include:
- Communication: A good wife can communicate openly and effectively with her partner. She listens attentively, expresses her thoughts and feelings honestly, and works to resolve conflicts constructively.
- Respect: A good wife respects her partner as an equal and values his opinions, feelings, and boundaries. She treats him with kindness, consideration, and empathy.
- Supportive: A good wife is supportive of her partner’s goals, dreams, and aspirations. She encourages him to pursue his passions, provides emotional support during challenging times, and celebrates his successes.
- Trustworthy: A good wife is trustworthy and reliable. She keeps her promises, is honest and transparent in her actions, and can be counted on to be there for her partner when he needs her.
- Affectionate: A good wife shows affection and love towards her partner through physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of kindness. She makes an effort to express her love and appreciation regularly.
- Responsible: A good wife takes responsibility for her actions, contributes to the household and family responsibilities, and makes decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship and family.
- Compromise: A good wife is willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both partners. She can see things from her partner’s perspective and is open to finding common ground in disagreements.
A good wife is someone who is committed to the well-being and happiness of her partner, communicates effectively, shows respect and support, and is willing to work together to build a strong and healthy relationship.
Couple
Every preacher I know and have heard has always taught Wives to submit to their Husbands and Husbands, to love their Wives. But none of them and I mean none of them had ever made mention of Eph 5:21 which says; “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The church had never at any point in time taught about husbands and wives submitting to each other. To enjoy a good and peaceful marriage, both husbands and wives must learn to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord.
Let’s explore this Eph 5:21 further
• Honor Christ by submitting to each other. TLB
• Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. TMB
• Submitting to one another in the fear of God. NKJV
• Submit to one another in fear of the Messiah. JCB
• Yield to obey each other because you respect Christ. NCV
• Place yourselves under each other’s authority out of respect for Christ. GWNBS
• Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. RSV
A great couple in a marriage is characterized by a strong and healthy relationship built on mutual respect, trust, communication, support, and love. Some key factors that contribute to a great couple in a marriage include:
- Communication: A great couple communicates openly and effectively with each other. They listen attentively, express their thoughts and feelings honestly, and work together to resolve conflicts constructively.
- Trust: A great couple trusts each other and has faith in their partner’s intentions and actions. They are honest, reliable, and transparent with each other, creating a foundation of trust in their relationship.
- Respect: A great couple respects each other as individuals and values each other’s opinions, feelings, and boundaries. They treat each other with kindness, consideration, and empathy.
- Support: A great couple supports each other’s goals, dreams, and aspirations. They encourage each other to pursue their passions, provide emotional support during challenging times, and celebrate each other’s successes.
- Shared values and goals: A great couple shares common values, beliefs, and goals for their relationship and future. They work together towards common objectives and make decisions that align with their shared vision.
- Quality time together: A great couple prioritizes spending quality time together, nurturing their bond and connection. They engage in activities they both enjoy, communicate regularly, and make time for each other despite their busy schedules.
- Teamwork: A great couple works as a team, supporting each other through life’s challenges and celebrating their victories together. They collaborate on household responsibilities, parenting, and decision-making, fostering a sense of partnership and unity.
A great couple in a marriage is committed to each other’s happiness and well-being, communicates effectively, shows respect and support, and works together as a team to build a strong and fulfilling relationship.
The goal of a Marriage
There are so many misconceptions about the goal of a marriage. Unfortunately, so many people are in a marriage for different reasons. As someone said, “Women married for comfort and stability, while men married for love. Women don’t care about loving a man, they only care about who to take good care of them, someone they feel safe with”.
Now, when two players on a team are playing against each other, they are no longer a team but an opponent. That is exactly what some marriages are. The goal of a marriage must be clearly stated and to a larger extent they can vary depending on the individuals involved, but some common goals that many couples should strive for include:
- Building a strong and lasting partnership: The primary goal of marriage is often to create a strong and lasting partnership with your spouse. This involves building a deep emotional connection, fostering trust and mutual respect, and supporting each other through life’s challenges.
- Creating a happy and fulfilling life together: Couples often aim to create a happy and fulfilling life together by sharing experiences, creating memories, and supporting each other’s personal growth and well-being.
- Building a family: For many couples, the goal of marriage is to build a family and create a loving and supportive environment for children.
- Growing together: Marriage provides an opportunity for personal growth and development, both individually and as a couple. The goal is to support each other’s growth, learn from each other, and evolve together over time.
- Achieving common goals: Couples may have shared goals and aspirations, such as buying a home, starting a business, or travelling the world. The goal of marriage is to work together to achieve these goals and support each other in reaching their full potential.
Ultimately, the goal of marriage is to create a strong, loving, and supportive partnership that enriches the lives of both partners and allows them to grow and thrive together. Communication, trust, respect, and mutual support are key to achieving these goals and building a successful and fulfilling marriage.
Third parties
No marriage can escape the intrusion of a third party. But sure, they can as well control it if they are united. Third parties could be the parent-in-laws, the siblings, the friends and relatives, the children or even games and Social Media. Anything that takes your attention away from your spouse is a third-party influencer, break away from it.
Treating third parties in a marriage involves setting boundaries, maintaining open communication with your partner, and being respectful of each other’s feelings. Here are some tips on how to handle interactions with third parties in a marriage:
- Communicate openly with your partner about your feelings and concerns regarding interactions with third parties. Discuss any potential issues that may arise and come up with a plan on how to handle them together.
- Set clear boundaries with third parties to ensure that they understand the nature of your relationship and respect your marriage. This may involve limiting the amount of time spent with certain individuals or avoiding situations that could potentially cause tension in your marriage.
- Prioritize your relationship with your partner and make sure that your actions and decisions are in line with your commitment to each other. Avoid putting yourself in compromising situations that could jeopardize the trust and intimacy in your marriage.
- Respect your partner’s feelings and opinions when it comes to interactions with third parties. Be understanding and supportive of each other’s boundaries and be willing to compromise when necessary.
- Seek professional help if you are struggling to navigate interactions with third parties in your marriage. A therapist or counsellor can provide guidance and support in addressing any issues that may arise and help strengthen your relationship with your partner.
Marriage is not difficult if only we can be disciplined and focused enough to do what is needful and necessary to keep the marriage safe and secure.
Sam Adeoye
April 28, 2024