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MARRIAGE 103

Sam Adeoye

Whoever believes the story about Adam and Eve eating the fruit has believed in a lie. No one witnessed the life and time of Adam and Eve. Whether they ever exist is another question. Satan, the religious mind made us believe is evil and against humanity, meanwhile, the same Satan is the eyes of the Lord that goes to and fro the earth seeking whose heart is right with God.

I know many will find this hard to believe, but in 2 Chron 16:9 it was recorded that; “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.” And in Job 1:6-7 it was said; “Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. And the Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” So Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.” The same repeated itself in Job 2:1-2 where it was said; “Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them to present himself before the Lord. And the Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.”

If we think that Satan is an enemy of God as religion made us believe, the majority of us will continue to work against God’s plans and purpose for our lives.

There are so many errors in the Bible, also in the Quran and as well as in all religious textbooks; because so many words were misinterpreted into English from the original language, the many reasons why we have so many Latin words in English simply because there were no appropriate words to use to give it proper interpretations. So also, all religious textbooks are written by Man and not God just as all the religions in the world are the creations of man and not God. As long as we continue to believe in religion, we’ll continue to fall victim to religious lies, falsehoods and manipulators of men. Having a relationship with God is the only way to true freedom.

If we pay attention to the person of Adam and Eve, they are creations of God without knowledge of who they are or the things around them; man was created to be without knowledge that was the reason why God said; “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” Gen 2:16-17. Take it or leave it, a man without knowledge is already a dead Man, he just doesn’t know it.

However, love can lead you into a marriage but love cannot keep you in marriage or sustain the marriage because love is a feeling marriage is not. Marriage is reality and without proper knowledge of who you are, who you are married to and what you both agreed to accomplish through the marriage, the marriage will fail. And the failure of a marriage has nothing to do with Satan, Devils or enemies from your family or neighbourhoods as we were made to believe. Failure in a marriage is a result of our ignorance, lack of knowledge of what we want from the marriage, how to treat our partner and how to handle issues within the marriage. Lack of character, attitudes, selfishness, religion, culture, traditions and involvement of unnecessary elements in the marriage are the main reasons why marriage fails. It has nothing to do with the Satan, Devils or the enemies.

Loving your wife and submitting to your husband has never sustained a marriage, to a larger extent it destroys the marriage because so many people take it out of context and the over-spiritual ones use it as a weapon against their spouse especially the verse that says the husband is the head of the wife, that is a huge error. God did not and had never placed any human beings above another human being. Humans are equal before God and if there is anything that kills Men faster is this ideology that he is the head and therefore he should be the one to always make the final decision even when his sense of judgment is faulty and questionable. That is a disaster.

A successful marriage does not necessarily depend on love alone. Love is not the only requirement for getting married. While love can bring happiness, it is not enough to make a marriage work. Love can be a dangerous thing as it can make you believe that you can make it work even when you can’t. It’s important to remember that every divorced person was once in love with the person they ended up divorcing.

Therefore, it’s essential to know how to live with your partner and maintain a healthy marriage. We live in a culture that values feelings over practicality, and sometimes our emotions drive us to make commitments we can’t keep. Marriage is not protected by love alone but by knowledge and understanding of how to make it work. Marriage does not need love, marriage needs knowledge.

Before I dwell much on this, let me point our attention to Eph 5:17-21 where Apostle Paul says; “Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Communication Skills

Effective communication is essential in any relationship, including marriage. Being able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly, and being able to listen and understand your partner’s perspective is crucial for a healthy marriage.

Emotional Intelligence

Understanding and managing your own emotions, as well as being able to empathize with and support your partner in managing their emotions, is important for sustaining a marriage.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but being able to resolve them constructively and respectfully is key to maintaining a strong and healthy marriage.

Trust and Honesty

Trust is the foundation of any successful marriage. Being honest and trustworthy with your partner, and trusting them in return, is essential for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Commitment and Dedication

Marriage requires a commitment to your partner and your relationship, as well as dedication to working through challenges and supporting each other through the ups and downs of life.

Empathy and Understanding

Being able to see things from your partner’s perspective, and being empathetic and understanding towards their feelings and experiences, is important for building a strong and lasting connection in marriage.

Patience and Tolerance

Marriage requires patience and tolerance for your partner’s flaws and imperfections, as well as the ability to work through difficulties and challenges together.

Self-Awareness and Self-Care

Taking care of yourself and being aware of your own needs and boundaries is important for sustaining a healthy marriage. It’s important to prioritize self-care and personal growth to show up as your best self in your relationship.

While love is an important foundation for a marriage, it is not always enough to sustain a long-lasting and healthy relationship. Love can bring two people together and create a strong bond, but sustaining a marriage requires more than just love. Other factors such as communication, trust, commitment, respect, and compatibility are also crucial for a successful marriage.

Love alone may not be enough to overcome challenges and conflicts that arise in a marriage. Couples need to work on building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and mutual respect to navigate the ups and downs of married life. Couples who can effectively communicate, resolve conflicts, and support each other through difficult times are more likely to have a lasting and fulfilling marriage.

In addition, couples need to continue to nurture their relationship and prioritize their connection over time. This may involve spending quality time together, showing appreciation and affection for each other, and continuing to grow and evolve as individuals and as a couple.

Ultimately, while love is an important aspect of a marriage, it is not the only factor that determines the success of a relationship. Couples who can cultivate a strong foundation of trust, communication, and commitment are more likely to sustain a happy and healthy marriage in the long run.

There is no set rule for how often a couple should discuss their differences, as every relationship is unique and what works for one couple may not work for another. However, couples need to have open and honest communication about their differences in a regular ba regularly healthy and strong relationship.

It Is recommended that couples make a habit of discussing their differences as they arise, rather than letting them build up and create resentment over time. This can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts from escalating and can allow both partners to address issues in a timely and constructive manner.

Some couples may find it helpful to schedule regular check-ins or “relationship meetings” to discuss any concerns, conflicts, or differences that have arisen since their last conversation. This can provide a dedicated time and space for open communication and problem-solving and can help prevent issues from festering and causing larger problems down the line.

Ultimately, the key is for couples to find a communication style and frequency that works for them and allows them to address their differences healthily and productively. It is important for both partners to feel heard, understood, and respected during these discussions, and to work together to find mutually satisfactory solutions to any conflicts that arise.

When a couple is denying each other sex, they need to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and desires. They should try to understand each other’s reasons for denying sex and work together to find a solution that works for both of them. This may involve seeking therapy or counselling to address any underlying issues, setting boundaries and expectations, and finding alternative ways to connect and be intimate with each other. It is important for both partners to be respectful and understanding of each other’s needs and to work together to find a mutually satisfying resolution.

Using sex as a punishment in a relationship can have serious negative implications for the couple and their relationship. Some potential consequences include:

Resentment and Anger

The partner who is being denied sex may feel resentful and angry towards their spouse, leading to a breakdown in communication and trust.

Emotional Distance

Using sex as a punishment can create emotional distance between partners, making it difficult for them to connect and communicate effectively.

Decreased Intimacy

When sex is used as a punishment, it can lead to a decrease in intimacy and closeness between partners, which can hurt the overall health of the relationship.

Sexual Dysfunction

Over time, using sex as a punishment can lead to sexual dysfunction and issues with arousal, desire, and performance for both partners.

Relationship Dissatisfaction

Ultimately, using sex as a punishment can lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness in the relationship, potentially leading to a breakdown in the relationship altogether.

It Is important for couples to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and needs, and to find healthy and constructive ways to address conflicts and disagreements in their relationship. Using sex as a punishment is not a healthy or effective way to resolve issues and can have serious negative consequences for the couple and their relationship.

Resolving issues in a marriage requires open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to work together to find solutions. Here are some steps that couples can take to address and resolve issues in their marriage:

Communicate Openly and Honestly

Couples need to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings, needs, and concerns. This includes actively listening to each other, constructively expressing emotions, and being willing to compromise.

Identify the root of the issue

Couples should work together to identify the underlying causes of their issues and conflicts. This may involve exploring past experiences, beliefs, and communication patterns that are contributing to the problem.

Seek professional help

If couples are struggling to resolve their issues on their own, they may benefit from seeking the help of a therapist or counsellor. A trained professional can provide guidance, support, and tools to help couples navigate their challenges and improve their relationship.

Practice empathy and understanding

Couples need to practice empathy and understanding towards each other’s perspectives and experiences. This can help build trust, strengthen the emotional connection, and foster a sense of mutual respect.

Work on problem-solving skills

Couples can work on developing effective problem-solving skills to address conflicts and disagreements constructively. This may involve setting boundaries, establishing clear communication strategies, and finding compromises that work for both partners.

Focus on the positive aspects of the relationship

It can be helpful for couples to focus on the positive aspects of their relationship and to celebrate their strengths and successes together. This can help build resilience, foster a sense of gratitude, and strengthen the bond between partners.

Overall, resolving issues in a marriage requires patience, commitment, and a willingness to work together to find solutions. By practising open communication, empathy, and problem-solving skills, couples can navigate their challenges and build stronger, healthier relationships.

Sam Adeoye

May 12, 2024

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